Wasted Life by Anxiety

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I’ve probably lost years by now, years I could’ve spent being productive, chasing my dreams, making new friends. I’ve wasted time I could’ve spent working on a new blog post, drawing, being productive at work, networking, being with friends.

I don’t blame myself… or at least I don’t think I do. But I do blame anxiety for stealing some of my best years and taking away a lot that was precious to me. Why do I blame anxiety?

Many times I’ve wanted to be productive and I couldn’t move, I felt paralysed. Many times I’ve wanted to message my friends but I felt too exhausted from the many feeling flowing through my body to be able to meet up. Too many times I’ve wanted to cook a very nice dinner but couldn’t get out of my room and settled for a fast-food dinner instead.

Right now, I want to go out shopping, meet up with friends and drink, write my book, cook a lovely dinner. But I can’t. The cloud of feelings inside my body doesn’t allow me to do any of these things.

There are good days, there are bad days, and there are just days. I appreciate the good ones, and I know the bad days happen for a reason, they’re there to help me learn more about anxiety and how to fight it. But it also just makes me want to sleep for 48 hours and give up on all plans.

The best thing I do when having a bad day is to just go out for a walk, take a cold shower, and try and write my feelings out. But how many times can you do this before it gets old?

I feel like anxiety has stolen many years of my life, and one day I’ll find a way to fight it better.

PS: This has changed since time of writing after finding Mel Robbins. I advise you to look her up if you haven’t heard her speak already. But still wanted to share this mindset in case others are going through the same thing 😊

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Ramses says:

    Beautiful story of recovery! I am happy for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Her ted talk really inspired me. I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t motivated to chase my dreams but it turns out, I’m just a human being.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. newpmv says:

      Same here 🙂

      Like

  3. Nikkilennial says:

    I feel you. I have social anxiety and I feel like I let myself down and missed a lot of opportunities to meet new people and make friends and enjoy life. I’m happy that you’ve gone past through it. I’m taking one baby step at a time here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. newpmv says:

      Thanks 🙂 I wouldn’t say I’m completely past it, definitely a work in progress. Baby steps are important 🙂

      Like

  4. I too have found that often when I feel low or inert, that if I make myself accomplish something (anything), I feel better! Live moment by moment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are strong, you have learnt to survive.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Quite relateable, but it does get better, as you learn from different situations to push yourself out when you know you wont die (at least emotionally) from them because its all mindset. But at the same time not ignoring yourself or putting yourself in places that will leave you so drained even physically when youre not ready, its okay to have bad days, like you said theres a reason for them. Thanks for writing this

    Liked by 1 person

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