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Some People Are Toxic

Some people seem to have a negative aura about them that goes anywhere they go. No matter what happens to them, it’s always a horrible thing. No matter how many good things are going on at that moment, they will focus and comment only on the one negative factor.

They dismiss you because you’re being too optimistic, and no matter what you try to tell them about seeing things from another perspective to attract positive energy, they still only focus on the negative – and think their life is worse than the lives of most other people around them.

In all honesty, by now I care little about whether they attract positive energies to their life, and more about just not having all that negativity surrounding me every day. It gets to me and no matter how positive I try to stay, their constant pessimism can shatter all of that.

Don’t know how to change someone’s perspective, and at this point I don’t really think it’s possible. But how do you protect yourself from being affected by it too?

21 thoughts on “Some People Are Toxic Leave a comment

  1. This, and then there’s the opposite:

    There’s also people who claim to “resist negativity”, though they only “resist criticism” for the sake of their feelings never being hurt. This resembles weakness.

    Criticism is reserved for the betterment of life. Why do you think it’s cowardly to insult someone who has died? They may have lived for 40-something years, and now that insulting person chooses to berate someone who just died? That’s cowardice.

    In life, we sometimes need to be criticized, so that we may better ourselves. And sometimes, it’s not up to us to make any calls or judgement on ourselves. It sometimes requires another person to point out our faults, because we may either be in denial, or we simply cannot see them.

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  2. I have to play devil’s advocate as I’m usually on the negative side. In my defense, that’s because a lot of bad things do happen. It’s as if misfortune follows me like a shadow. And trying to point out positives doesn’t always help. For instance, let’s say I’m about to lose my house and be homeless (just an example), saying, “Hey, look on the bright side! You woke up this morning, you’re still breathing…” doesn’t make me feel better that I’m about to be homeless because, at that point, I’m wishing I hadn’t because then I wouldn’t need to worry about where I was going to live.
    So I think a lot of it has to do with balance. When the negatives outweigh the positives, it’s hard to look on the bright side. And some negative people are negative because they’re crying out for help and that’s their way of telling you so.
    But some people are just negative jerks… When I’m faced with negative people, I always try to access why they’re like that before I consider them toxic and dismiss them.

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    • I don’t necessarily ask anyone to look at the positive side, I normally just tend to remind that constantly pointing out how miserable they are will not help their situation, only worsen them and make them and everyone else be in a bad mood. Whereas if you acknowledge it’s a shitty situation and try to find solutions and ways to deal with it, then you’re at least doing something on focusing on a positive feeling: hope.

      I never say stuff like “on the positive side, you’re alive”, because that’s just downright disrespectful when someone is going through a hard time :/

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      • Very true, if you constantly focus on the negatives and never see real positives, it will make things worse. In my case, I can focus on some positives, but if they’re outweighed by negatives, it’s really hard to focus on good things. Positive reminders are definitely helpful, for me, anyway.
        But you would be surprised… When I was doing therapy, we were all told to write down 5 positive things every morning, including things like “I woke up”, “I’m breathing”… Honestly, this isn’t very helpful for depressed people. And these are supposed to be professionals! It makes you wonder. :/

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  3. It’s so difficult to avoid being drawn into someone’s web of negativity. Some people are only happy when they’re unhappy. They feel comfortable in that emotional state and it makes them the center of attention with their “woe is me” attitude. Limiting your time with this person is a good option, but not always possible. You can’t change someone else, but you can change your responses. Try not to add fuel to their negative topics of discussion. Over time, that person may decide that you’re not giving them the responses they wanted and they’ll move on to someone else. Good luck!

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  4. Always bound to meet people with negative mindset. We can listen to them and help them to see the positive side of things. If they’re too overwhelming, take a step back and rebalance ourselves with activities that make us feel good, even mingling with people with positive attitudes.

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  5. I know a bunch of negative people. They are the worst! Hate them! Better ignore and stay away from them, if it is work, just do things that is needed. Keep in email or text messages as mush as possible. If it is a friend, cut ties. They are not worth it.

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  6. Sometimes it’s someone important in our life who has this constant negative attitude, like a parent. Although you don’t want to give up the relationship completely, you have to maintain boundaries so you don’t get dragged down by their attitude. This might mean spending limited time with them, not engaging in conversation on certain topics, etc. I totally understand how draining it can be, though.

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  7. You could say, wow, your life really sucks! And then walk away. But sadly that doesn’t usually stop the endless flow of negativity energy. Bleh! It’s waiting for you when you see them again. I wish I knew the answer. I try to change the subject as much as possible.

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  8. Initially, I attempt to flood them with the stark realities that life COULD be worse and offer many comparisons of situations of others which makes their own look like a cake walk (and I have plenty to pull from). I follow it with expressing my thanks for my own blessings and reprimanding myself for not being more appreciative (which typically makes them feel guilty).

    Nevertheless, I’ve had a few for whom the epiphanies are too short lived. They resort to what they know and the toxicity becomes overwhelming. In worst case scenarios, I’ve simply had to discontinue our relationship. It is a difficult decision, but one with which I made peace.

    Because in their absence, I immediately felt the relief from being burdened by the equivalence of undue weight. It is very difficult to try to cheer up the perpetually downtrodden. In many instances, it is a sign of mental illness.

    I don’t believe in throwing people away, but especially in cases of extremity, professional help should be considered. Some are depressed and don’t even know it. On worst days, that can be potentially fatal…

    Very thoughtful post! #nicelydone

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